Saturday, January 23, 2021

New Habits can be Hard to Birth

Happy New Year! Or is it too late for that?

Well, I'm starting again. Starting again...starting again from what??? How about starting again from stagnation... Starting again from from procrastination...starting again from just starting again.

When you have goals in life, you have to do at least two things:  have a plan and just do it. For me, I have dreams, I have things that I want to do, I start planning, and I've even started implementing, but there was no follow through...  That's a problem. It's a problem when money has been spent, equipment bought, software launched. It's like running up to the door of success, but you're afraid to knock and go in. A type of FEAR sets in... I capitalized the word "fear" to keep it to the forefront to make me realize that I need to put it in the background; put it behind me... to OVERCOME IT.

First off, I first had to understand just why I allowed fear to set in in the first place. I have to understand why I seemed to have to be on the outside looking in at success.  Someone once told me that I was afraid of success. I didn't understand why he said that to me. He was also someone who ran his own business. I didn't understand it because why on earth would I be afraid to succeed?!  But the thing was that I wasn't afraid to succeed, I didn't feel like I really could. I didn't feel like  was worthy of succeeding.

 I can remember in high school, looking at other girls who were "pretty" and some actually not really so much so, then looking at myself in the mirror and thinking:  what is it about them that makes them so pretty... they don't really look better than me. Yet they were considered pretty, popular and liked by many others. But the thing I was beginning to wonder, but didn't really let it take root, was that it was about the CONFIDENCE they had in THEMSELVES, the belief in themselves that they were pretty. They carried themselves as if they were absolutely gorgeous even when they really were not. They believed in themselves, so others did. And when others did, it fueled that confidence that gave them ability to succeed in other things they would set out to do. I begin to learn that this is the key: to believe in yourself, to believe that you can do it, to believe that you can see it, and believe that you can achieve it. 

Personally, I didn't always believe that "I could". Another keyword now comes in to play:  ALWAYS. I needed to ALWAYS believe in myself in ALL of my ventures, no matter what. I had to stop looking at only believing in some of the things that I could do, and believing in ALL the things that I would set out to do: no matter if I'd succeed or fail in that venture. That's where overcoming fear comes in. I was listening to a couple of successful entrepreneurs who talked about fear and how it can hinder your success. The one thing they both stated, and I decided that I am going to do is to "DO IT AFRAID". I can remember a period in my life when I was leaving an abusive relationship, and I was afraid.  I was talking to a close friend of mine telling her how I was feeling, and she said, "...God didn't give us the spirit of fear!" With her saying that, it was like a light just came on. Although I'd heard that Bible scripture many times, that was the first time it really resonated with me. But I now realize that even then, I did it afraid.  I continued the process of leaving and cutting the "romantic" ties with my abuser. I left it and never looked back.

Fast forward to now. I have a couple of ventures that I've given valiant starts, i.e. paid for training, purchased software, equipment, and even started working on these ventures, but something happened. It's like I hit a wall of some kind, and I stopped. One, I know that I allowed some other personal endeavors to distract me and get me off track from that venture.  I know that it can be lucrative, but I'm not understanding the mental block.  Now that I think about it, I let my mindset go back to high school where I felt I wasn't "good enough," so I wasn't. I was in an entrepreneurial industry group at the time, and had great support that was helping to propel me to the next level, and then covid-19 happened. Our in-person meetings and gatherings came to a halt, I was adjusting to changes at my day job and the anxiety that it was causing me, and I just lost focus. Venture number two was started during the pandemic. Apparently a lot of people were going into this direction because as I was purchasing equipment for it, some items were unavailable due to the high demand. I was, nevertheless, able to get the equipment I needed to get started. I started, and then, BAM, I hit that wall again. In this case, there were hindrances to one of the steps to my moving forward that involved paperwork. Part of it was beyond my control, and the time constraint to remedy the situation just happened to take time that put this venture on the back burner. And in the process, I became discouraged, because I put in a bit of investment, time and study into it only to be somewhat forced into a standstill. Even this Blog: I just stopped writing...

However I still want to do these ventures. Now, I HAVE TO do something. In my financial position, my primary income is just not enough. Quite frankly, I've known that for a while, but I thought that I could make it work. But in reality, I knew I couldn't.  And my failure to "make it work" like it was going resulted in me feeling like a failure because I have been working in my day job for so, so many years. And as a result, I just fell into a depressing rut and got stuck. Well, it's time to get the hell out of this rut!  It's time to get unstuck! I can to this! I am doing this! Writing all of this down is tangible proof that all I have to do, is to JUST DO IT!

I am Bizeediva, and this is The Bizeediva Chronicles.

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