Wednesday, April 29, 2020

I'm Sick of This!!!!!!!!!

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired of it all.  If I hear the words: Covid-19, Corona Virus, hand washing instructions, hand sanitizer, Quarantine, Social Distancing, Stay-at-home Order, Alone Together ONE MORE TIME... If I have to keep meeting church members and friends via Zoom (if I got to keep hearing the word Zoom)... If I have to keep seeing celebrities and talk show hosts without makeup in their pajamas Zooming from their homes (or somebody's home) either singing or whining about having do their own hair and/or nails... If I've got to hear "Lean on Me" one more time as I'm making one more of those damn MASKS...!!! If I see another commercial with banks and big corporations lying about how much they're "there for us" or another commercial showing videos of people cooking, exercising or spending time with their children or each other (as if that's something unusual)... If I see another press conference; if I see and hear hear another choir, symphony or band singing from 'various locations' in "10" different squares; if I have to watch late-night TV and SNL without the laugh tracks; if I have to go to church one more Sunday via YouTube; if I have to see poor Dr. Fauci roll his eyes and try to clean up one more ri-damn-diculous statement that Mr. Trump let's fly from his mouth... If I hear one more heartbreaking story of a high school senior missing out on their well-deserved final-year experience...  If I hear the phrase, "our new normal..."--because this IS NOT NORMAL--I'm going to cry! Maybe I'm going to cry because I know I've got to hold on.

As a matter of fact, I'd just stopped crying which is why I decided to write this rant. I thought I was taking this in stride, staying home, and taking the precautions when I went out. I thought I was all right. I guess that my personal emotions of disdain for this whole situation and my feeling that "this, too shall pass"--which is seemingly further and further away--was getting the best of me. I guess I'm tired of being alone. Although my husband is out of town, we still talk and video chat.

Sick and tired as I am of all of this, I still count my blessings. I still have my job and I am able to work from home as well as receive my salary. My daughter, along with others are furloughed or laid off altogether. 

I am well.  When all of this started to go down, I had a nagging cough from a cold I had earlier. I was very self-cautious every time I coughed.  Fortunately, no one hassled me about it. That cough is long gone now, but it certainly was not a good look in this climate. I know a Sister from a church I grew up with who was in quarantine, but thankfully she gave the word that she tested negative, and will be headed back to her healthcare job. Unfortunately, we found out that my mother-in-law has the virus, and is now in the hospital in Louisiana.  She was previously in a nursing home, which has definitely not been the place to be for our seniors as of late (as if it really was at all). We can't go visit her, only wait for updates from the hospital via my sister-in-law who lives out there. So for now, we pray and wait and pray...

Sick and tired as I am of all of this, I know that I'm not as sick and tired of all this as our healthcare workers are. I know my emotions aren't weighting as hard on me as theirs are on them, especially those in the hospitals that witness patients dying alone. My heartbreak pales in comparison to those who have to share in the fear and pain of the women who are forced to give birth practically alone: without their spouse or partner or parent to be by their side.

My sick-and-tired doesn't hold a candle to the long hours, stresses of the job, lack of PPE and just being around the constant near deaths and deaths that occur on their watch. My heartbreak is a mere paper cut compared to the blood-gushing wounds our healthcare workers endure as they feel the helplessness of doing all they can, and feeling that it's just not enough.

Well, now that I've got that off my chest, I'll go to bed, and get ready for the last few days left to work from home and get ready to go BACK into the office Monday morning. I wonder how that will be in this new "atmosphere..." This will be a new atmosphere of wearing masks, having our temperatures taken upon entering the building and social distancing in a world of cubicles... now isn't THAT an oxymoron. I'll be ready to go as I hold on to the notion that:  this, too, shall pass.

Tuesday, April 7, 2020

Wow!!! It's been a minute since I've posted... It's Monday, April 7, no, April 6.  I sometimes lose track of time because I'm working from home. Yes, we are under a Stay-at-Home order due to this corona virus or COVID-19 as it's many times,unaffectionately called. 

Yes, I'm allowed to work from home. It's a good thing being home, but the rigid rules I must follow and the IT surveillance I'm under to be in compliance doesn't make it the walk-in-the park it's perceived to be. My Supervisor, in a meeting he had with us to explain how things worked, stated that we are to start work in the same flex-time window as if we are coming in to the office as well as we are required to take a 1-hour lunch break within the time frame of 11:00 a.m and no later than 1:00 p.m.  I was under the impression that as long as we were working our eight hours, it didn't matter what time we went online.  I was down for being up late night in my pajamas chuggin' away... Oh well, I can still work in my pajamas (unless I'm in a video conference). I'm still a bit tied to my desk, but I am at home.

I can definitely say that my car has never maintained 3/4 tank of gas for so long even though I drive what's coined a fuel-efficient vehicle.  Despite the strict WFH rules, I DON'T miss the 13-mile commute which feels like 50 miles when I don't get out of the house at the exact time it takes to miss the heavy traffic. I don't miss the crazy drivers that cut me off, run up behind me too fast or outright run red lights because they're rushing to work themselves. I don't miss a steady flow of driving only to be slowed down by another traffic jam. That's referred to as "hurry up and stop."  I don't miss the stress and tiredness it caused. Because when I got to work I'd be so tired sometimes.

I would say that I don't miss spending so much money for lunch because I actually brought lunch from home many times. But at home, that's another story.  I feel like I was an economic stimulus package for the grocery stores. It seems like, at first, I was going to the store almost every other day, and spending at least $30 to sometimes $100 a trip! Now I'm not rich, but I was doing my best to have all that was needed for my family in case we couldn't  go out again.  I wasn't sure what to expect if we were told to quarantine.  Sure enough, our County had enacted a Stay-at-Home order, but it wasn't as rigid as I thought it would be.  We are still allowed to go to the grocery store and "essential" businesses such as the doctor, pharmacy, our essential jobs, and we are also allowed to pick up food for take-out. We cannot eat in restaurants because of Social Distancing guidelines.  It's good (in a sense) that these are guidelines, because if they became mandatory, it could get pretty scary having law enforcement and the military enforcing those rules. 

My family, by God's Grace, is well, and so is my Church Family and close co-workers. We have been informed that some employees but, "not many", were affected.  For people still having to go to work at my Company, which is an essential business being in the energy sector, temperature checks are being done before they are allowed to enter the office spaces. My grocery shopping, etc. has leveled off, and I have been staying in.

People are referring to this event as a "new normal".  I will not accept this as normal because it is not.  I'm holding on to the notion that:  This too shall pass.

The Aftermath

Well, our lights are back on, and it has warmed up! Great news, right: yes it is. Yes it is for some. Yes is for people like me, my family a...